and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just pee around me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
