She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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