He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
