She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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