i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
