he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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