Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
