There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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