One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
