they need to just BURY HIM!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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