his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
