its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
