please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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