I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
