dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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