Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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