so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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