apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
