sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
