Jerry, you need to find god
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
