I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
