I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
