Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
