I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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