my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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