Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
