420 ftw
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i think my cat just said my name.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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