I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My cat gives me a boner
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
