Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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