Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
