Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
