The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
