Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
