finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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