I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Text me some of your sweat
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