Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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