if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then my night got REAL pukey
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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