Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize