I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
