...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
