I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
