she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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