I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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