At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
