i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
