He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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