I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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