Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
