Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
