so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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