Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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