Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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