And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
