I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
