How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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