im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
