Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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