She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
