At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
