Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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