We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
