I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They took my balls.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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