thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
