you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
