I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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