Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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