He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
