sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
