I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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