Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
