I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
