i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
barbara walters just said penis...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
