i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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